


A Memory of Youth

by shadowed_sunsets



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Friends Forever, Hurt/Comfort, mentions of a car accident, school friends to best friends to a relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 22:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12330183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowed_sunsets/pseuds/shadowed_sunsets
Summary: A serendipitous meeting in their high school library leads Rose and John on the journey of a lifetime, one of friendship, pain, courage, and love.





	1. Chapter 1

 

  
The first time she met John, Rose was wandering around the school library avoiding anyone she knew in case they found out she was skipping class.

It wasn’t like she was going to need French anyways; Rose knew that no matter how hard she worked she’d never make it to France. Yet her parents insisted that she keep studying the blasted language. Only the French spoke French, not anyone around here.

Rose quickly ducked around the corner from the history shelves, spotting her friend Keisha walking past the tables at the other end of the shelves talking to the cute Tommy Kenderson whom Keisha had had a crush on for years.

Once they were out of sight, Keisha still nattering on, Rose leaned back against the shelf behind her with a deep, relieved sigh. That was close; too close. She couldn’t get caught skipping again, not now. Last time, the principle told her there’d be severe consequences. Not that he’d exactly said what those were, or that Keisha would tell on her.

But Rose didn’t think she could take the chance.

Once her heart stopped feeling like it was going to tear its way out of her chest, Rose turned and looked up and down the aisle around her.

It was empty, full of the normal things for a library. Empty, except for a small brown haired boy sitting cross-legged on the floor halfway down the row of shelves.

He was bent over the heavy book in his lap, eyes glued to the page except every once in a while when he had to turn it.

Rose watched him for a few seconds, intrigued by this ordinary looking boy. Barely a minute later, as he read, the boy bit his lip and then ran a hand hurriedly through his hair. It was almost as if he was annoyed by what he was reading.

For some reason the sight amused Rose, and she had to fight back a laugh.

A soft noise still escaped her, and Rose quickly covered her mouth with her hand. But the boy didn’t seem to have heard.

Curiosity overwhelming her wish for no one to notice her, Rose took a step forward. “Whatcha reading?” she asked kindly.

The boy started frightfully, and loudly slammed the book closed in his lap. He flinched at the noise and looked wildly around, dark deer-in-the-headlights wide eyes finally settling on her.

Surprised by his reaction, Rose smiled warmly, trying to put him at ease. “Hi,” she greeted quietly.

He blinked at her, seeming to calm somewhat. “Hello,” the boy replied uncertainly, eyes flicking sideways.

Rose walked forward to sit down on the floor next to him. “I’m Rose,” she said, offering her hand.

The boy’s eyes quickly returned to her, but then glanced down at her hand. “John,” he replied, meeting her eyes again. A second later he took her hand and briefly shook it before letting go.

“Nice to meet you,” Rose told him cheerfully. She carefully studied his face, noting the fair skin, high cheekbones, and thin face as he stared down at the book on his lap, one hand almost fondly fingering the binding.

“So,” Rose began, leaning over to look at the book, “what are you reading?”

His head popped up at her question, and he turned towards her. Then, the discomfort suddenly faded into a goofy smile that transformed his expression into something lighter.

“It’s about astronomy,” John told her excitedly, opening the book again, “All about the solar system, our stars, the Milky Way, everything!” He flipped through a few pages, showing them to her. “Everything you could ever want to know.”

Rose couldn’t help but smile at him, amused by how quickly his earlier discomfort had vanished with the idea of sharing his book with her. But, despite his excitement, Rose couldn’t ignore her doubts.

“Is it really all that fascinating?” she asked skeptically, nose wrinkling.

A moment later, Rose was trying not to laugh at the disbelieving look he was giving her, as if she’d drooled on her shirt.

“Course it is!” John huffed, offended.

Rose tried again. “But, all of that’s so far away. We’ll never see any of it, least not in our lifetime probably. So, isn’t it a bit… idealistic… to think about stuff like that?”

The annoyance and excitement in his eyes dimmed a little, and John fixed her with a stern look that surprised her with its intensity.

“Sometimes the world needs a little idealism,” he told her seriously, brown eyes darker than before.

Rose cast around in her mind for a reply, but before she could, John blinked and the seriousness was gone.

“Here,” he offered, moving closer to her. “Let me show you,” John said, and began going through the book page by page with her.

By the end of the book, Rose started to understand his fascination with astronomy and the unknown.

~~~~~~~  
After their first meeting, in the space of a week John and Rose became the best of friends.

It turned out that he was a much better student than Rose was, bored by the classes just like her yet still fascinated with the subjects themselves. John shyly offered to help her study, and Rose quickly took him up on it. In no time at all then, with his help, her grades improved and she found it much easier to understand things, especially with John’s explanations.

John was almost always patient with her, letting her take as long as she needed. He somehow instinctively knew how to explain things so she understood, something Rose was grateful for. But, to her continuing annoyance and slight amusement, John still gave her that disbelieving look of drooling on her shirt when she failed to understand something that, for him, was all too obvious. Rose tried her best, but what was natural for him was sometimes difficult for her to grasp, something John enjoyed reminding her.

When they weren’t busy studying, or preoccupied with school, Rose and John enjoyed exploring the small town they lived in.

They quickly found out that John lived just down the street from her in the small two-story blue paneled house with the beautiful garden and immaculate lawn her mum was always gushing over. Rose loved teasing John about it since he was always complaining about having to mow and weed the stupid thing. She kept telling him that even astronauts had to do the chores sometimes, just like ordinary people. John’s response was usually glaring or sticking his tongue out at her, but that just made it even more fun to tease him.

Once school let out, Rose passing her tests mostly thanks to John, the two of them spent every second they could together during the summer.

John took her to the observatory as often as she let him, riding their bikes through the downtown area. Theirs was a small enough city that their parents didn’t worry too much, but they still had to dodge cars and pedestrians. Each time, John enjoyed taking her around the building, showing her every part of each exhibit, always with a bright light in his eyes. By the time they’d sat through the show several times, Rose could almost recite it word by word along with the announcer, and John. Even on their first visit here together, John had recited the entire show under his breath. It made her wonder just how many times John had come here on his own before they’d met, and also how often he’d read that book in the school library.

But Rose never asked him, because she loved how his excitement always shone through the most when he was talking about space, and his ambition to become an astronaut. It worried her how pale he was though, as if his skin didn’t often see the sun.

In an attempt to change this, every day they weren’t at the observatory or the sun was shining, Rose would show up at his door around lunch time and take him somewhere they could enjoy the outdoors. Even when she took him to the beach, John refused to swim, protesting that he didn’t like swimming outdoors, or swimming at all really. So instead, Rose enjoyed the warm water while John went up and down the beach collecting things. He always found interesting things, objects people left behind, shells and rocks, and also a few creepy crawlies John insisted on showing her up close.

Once the apples in Mr. Thomas’s backyard became ripe, Rose dragged John over there. Then, as he watched in what seemed to be mild shock, Rose scrambled over the fence and hurried over to the closest apple tree. She then picked two of the ripest apples before jumping down and running back over to John. He gaped at her beaming face, and then stared down at the apples in her hand.

Rose grinned, holding them out to him. “Have one.”

John looked doubtful, but took one anyways. A second after he bit into it, a happy smile broke out across his face.

The next time, they sneaked in together.

By the end of the summer, Rose and John had never enjoyed themselves quite so much. At the same time, their parents were glad their children had found someone to spend time with.

Once school came around again, their summer cut all too short, they were stuck inside for most of the day, unable to continue their exploring. But the two of them shared a lot of classes, so it was all right. Sometimes when the weather was nice, John and Rose snuck out of school during lunch time and ate on the grounds. There was a beautiful old oak tree they often sat under, watching the multi-colored leaves flutter above them.

It surprised Rose how still John could be when he wanted. How he could sit somewhere for hours on end, doing nothing but stare up at the sky or read a book. Sometimes John was so still Rose thought he was asleep. She was always the one who had to coax him out of the house, or to shake him out of his stupor. He seemed content to just do nothing, while Rose always enjoyed keeping active and being busy. Unlike John, Rose wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with her life, but she did know there was still so much she wanted to see. Rose teased him that if he couldn’t make being an astronaut, he could always become a philosopher with how much he liked to think and stare off into the distance. His response was to always make a face and declare that he would never, ever, do such a thing.

The rest of the summer was even more fun than their first together, and they both made sure to enjoy themselves to the fullest.

Rose managed to rope John into a lot of mischievous acts, ones he probably wouldn’t have taken part in before, mostly by appealing to his sense of adventure. He became her partner in crime, and they quickly became infamous within their neighborhood. Everyone knew them well, and suffered the pair’s acts with long-suffered patience and affection.

This continued for the rest of that summer, and the next school year after it.

It was only the summer before they began their second year of high school when everything fell apart completely.

~~~~

Rose went over to John’s house early one morning on a Saturday, only to find the entire household in an uproar.

There were some suitcases gathered at the foot of the staircase, and when she stepped inside most of the furniture was covered with white sheets. On the other side of the front hallway, piles of clothing crowned the dining table.

Now worried, Rose walked the rest of the way inside. “John? John, you here?” she called, pacing back and forth in front of the door.

A few seconds later, John’s voice replied from above, “Rose? That you?”

She stopped and looked up to see John leaning over the railing on the floor above her. “John!” Rose said happily, and began running up the staircase to him.

He met her halfway down the stairs, the two of them nearly running into each other. They shared a quick hug and then pulled back again.

“John, John what’s going on?” Rose asked frantically, looking up at him since he was on the step above her. “There’re bags downstairs, and everything’s covered up.” She reached out and gripped his arms. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh,” John said weakly, glancing away from her. “Um, well…”

Rose shook him lightly. “John, this isn’t the time for you to go all tongue-tied on me. What’s, wrong?”

“It’s my dad,” John blurted, meeting her eyes again. “We just got the news last night. He’s being transferred, effective immediately.”

Rose’s eyes had grown wider and wider as he spoke. But once he finished, she asked quietly, “Where, where are you going?”

“To America. The East coast,” John explained, looking as sad as she felt.

Rose couldn’t help but wince. “That’s so far away.”

John nodded. “I know. But, we have to go.” He pulled her hands away from his arms to take them in his own. “I’m so sorry, Rose.”

She leaned forward into him. “I am too.” Rose quietly sighed. “Promise you’ll write? And call? Every day?”

John laughed, but it was pained. “I’ll try, Rose. I promise.”

“You’d better,” Rose warned him, but they both knew she didn’t mean it.

“John! John!” His mother’s voice called from the landing above them. “Come and finish your packing! We don’t have time for your dawdling!”

They both laughed and pulled apart again.

“I’d better go,” John said, glancing back up the staircase. “Our flight leaves later this afternoon. We have little enough time as it is.”

Rose sighed. “All right,” she agreed, fighting back tears.

He hugged her one last time before letting her go. “I promise I’ll stay in touch, Rose,” John reassured her with a soft smile. “You’re not getting rid of me _that_ easily.”

Rose laughed, just like he’d probably wanted her to, and wiped her eyes. “’Course not,” she replied, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

John gave her one last wild grin, and then rushed back up the stairs. “I’ll see you again, Rose! I promise.”

“You’d better!” Rose called up to him.

After he vanished from her sight, Rose stood on the stairs for a few more minutes. Then she turned and walked back down, and out of the house.

~~~~

For a year and a half, through the fall of her third year of high school, Rose heard from John at least once a week, usually by phone or email.

For the most part it was just like having John with her. Being able to talk with him, and to hear his voice, was as good as seeing John every day. It didn’t seem like their friendship was being hurt by the distance between them, they had just as much fun together. They could only talk once a week, which meant they took as much advantage of the one call as they could. Everything built up to that one call, but it was worth it.

No matter how long the two of them talked, and even after a year’s worth of phone calls, the one thing Rose could never get used to was how lonely she felt after hanging up. Right afterwards Rose would always go to her calendars and start marking the days until the next call.

A year and a half went by, and the two of them survived somehow with just talking to each other. It was just barely enough.

But then, all of a sudden in the middle of November, the phone calls and emails stopped.

Rose tried to reach John, contact him somehow, but the phone was now disconnected and all the emails bounced back. No matter what she tried, she couldn’t get a hold of him. It was like he’d vanished off the face of the Earth.

She kept trying for a few weeks, but finally Rose admitted to herself that there was nothing she could do. She’d probably have to wait the rest of her life to find out what’d happened to him. That was if she _did_ ever find out.

~~~~~

Rose walked down the sidewalk, hands stuffed in her pockets and her body braced against the cold.

It was March, and it was still bloody freezing out. It just wasn’t natural. She’d probably freeze before even reaching home.

Rose was pulled away from her thoughts by the sound of breaks screeching against the ice slick pavement of the street.

She lifted her head from the warmth of the collar of her jacket to see a delivery van pull up in front of John’s old house. Even though it’d been over a year, the house had stayed deserted and left alone. No one had moved in, and there hadn’t even been a for sale sign in the yard.

It was like no one wanted to touch it at all.

But now all of a sudden there was a van by John’s house for the first time in almost two years. Maybe something had happened.

Rose rushed across the street, glad for the lack of traffic at the moment, and stopped at the back of the van. “Hello?” She called, looking around in an attempt to find the driver.  
A few seconds later, Rose nearly jumped out of her skin when the back door of the van made a loud rattling noise as it moved upward.

“What can I do for you, darling?” A middle aged man asked friendly, smiling at her.  
Rose smiled back at him. “You’re delivering something, yeah?” She asked, and then looked around, “It wouldn’t be this house by chance, would it?”

The man looked skeptically at her for a long moment, as if sizing her up. Finally he said, “Yeah, it is. Apparently someone about your age called us up and said they needed groceries delivered.” He shrugged carelessly. “And here I am.”

Rose felt her heart skip a beat. Her age? “I know this is kind of odd, but can I come with you?” she asked hopefully. “I won’t get in your way, promise.” When she noticed his suspicious expression, Rose quickly added, “I used to know the family who lived there, but it’s been a while since I saw them. I just want to know if it’s them, honest.”

He looked carefully at Rose again, before his face broke out in a grin. “Oh, all right sweetheart.” The man turned back inside the van. “It’d be nice to have a young thing like you carry things for me.”

Rose wondered a little at that, but took the bags he handed down to her.

The man jumped down from the van, and pulled the metal door back down again. “Well, let’s be off then,” he suggested, taking a bag from her.

Rose followed him down the sidewalk and then up to the front door. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest, but she still forced herself to hang back.

The man shifted the bag, and then lifted his hand to press the doorbell.

A chiming noise came from inside the house, but they didn’t hear any more noises. No matter how long the two of them waited, no one came to the door.

Finally the man clenched his hand and pounded on the wood of the door. “This is Frank, from Shop ‘n Save Groceries! Open up!”

They heard a creaking noise from inside, followed by the sound of footsteps coming nearer.

Then, as the door opened in front of them little by little, Rose felt the ground drop out from under her.

“Thanks for bringing them all the way over here,” John thanked Frank softly. He slipped his hand into the pocket of his faded worn jeans and pulled out a small wallet. “Here’s your money, you can just leave the bags here and I’ll take them in,” John told him, handing over a few pounds.

Frank grinned gratefully. “Thanks mate. I’m a bit off my schedule as it is.” He set the bag he was holding down right outside the door. “If you’d just sign here,” he said, pulling out a clipboard and handing it over to John. John took it and the pen then promptly signed the paper and handed it back. “Have a good day then,” Frank said and waved to John before hurrying away down the sidewalk.

John turned and bent down to pick up the bag. But then he seemed to realize there was someone still standing there, holding yet another bag. John straightened again, holding the bag in his arms.

“Hello?” John asked cautiously, eyes narrowed warily. “Who’s there?”

Rose hesitated for just a moment, and then lowered the bag so he could see her face.  
“John,” she whispered softly, her voice breaking.

His eyes widened in surprise as he exclaimed quietly, “Rose!” But then the surprise vanished, and right in front of her his expression went blank. “Good to see you again,” John greeted, as if it’d been only a few days since they’d seen each other.

John then reached out like he was going to take the bag from her. But Rose held it away from him and shook her head. “No, you’re not going to get rid of me that easily,” she scolded him. “Let me in.”

For a second John’s eyes flashed, and then shuttered again. He looked at her for a long moment before stepping to the side of the doorway, leaving room for her.

Rose glanced at him as she walked over the threshold, still holding the bag. She’d never seen him like this before in the time they’d known each other. His eyes, usually so bright, were now dark and bottomless; his skin pale enough that the freckles she never really noticed stood out sharply; dark square glasses perched on his nose, and his brown locks long enough that they just barely touched his neck.

As she passed John, Rose had the urge to draw him into her arms and hug him. John looked lonelier than she’d ever seen him, and also tired, so tired.

In the moment when Rose nearly gave in to her urge, John turned and closed the door behind them. To her surprise, he even slammed the lock, although she wasn’t sure if that was to keep her in, or others out.

“Well, come in if you’re going to,” John told her blandly. Without waiting for an answer, he turned and walked not towards the kitchen like she expected, but to the left into what had once been the living room.

Rose cautiously followed him, but then stopped dead in the doorway.

The living room looked nothing like the last time she’d seen it. The room was completely bare except for a cot in front of the fireplace with a roaring fire, and a small fridge plugged into the wall.

“Do you live here?” Rose asked surprised, looking around the room. “On your own?”

From where he was kneeling in front of the fridge, putting the groceries away, John glanced briefly over his shoulder at her. “Yes,” he said shortly.

Rose flinched a little, and then walked the rest of the way into the room. She went over to John and paused, then set the bag down next to him.

Rose watched him as he filled the fridge, knowing she was boring a hole in his back. She had a million questions for him, ones that demanded to be asked now, but Rose couldn’t bring herself to ask any of them. He was so different, and that made Rose scared of the answers.

Finally Rose just asked, trying to sound as casual as she could, “How long have you been back?”

John shrugged as he folded the bags. “Not long. A few weeks maybe.”

Rose bit her lip. “And you didn’t think I might want to know you were suddenly back after almost two years?”

He rose to his feet, kicking the door of the fridge closed with his foot. When John turned towards her, bags in his hand, he stared at her for a long moment. She swore she saw something flicker in his eyes, as if he was warring with himself somehow. But then, it was gone again, just like before. “I suppose not.”

Rose bristled, and crossed her arms to stop herself from hurting him. Even after all they’d done together, it was like he’d forgotten her.

John tore his eyes away and walked over to the fireplace. He knelt down and began poking at it with a fireplace stick.

Silence reined between the two of them then, awkward silence that was new to their relationship.

Finally Rose couldn’t take the silence anymore, and the question slipped past her lips, “What happened to you, John?”

Although her voice had been soft, John seemed to have heard her as he stiffened suddenly. He stayed that way for a few moments, and then appeared to force himself to relax again.

Just when Rose was sure he wasn’t going to say anything, she heard him say softly, as if to himself, “Everything, everything happened.”

She could barely hear him over the crackling of the flames, but Rose heard enough. Forgetting her anger and caution, she took a step towards him. “What do you mean?” Rose asked sharply. “John, what do you mean ‘everything’?”

Like he used to do when he didn’t want to answer something, John continued fussing with the fire, pretending to ignore her.

Rose made an annoyed noise and marched towards him. “John, come on please!” She protested, placing a hand on his shoulder and used that to turn him to face her. “You can tell me.”

“It’s fine, Rose,” John told her in what Rose guessed was supposed to be reassuring. “Don’t worry about it.”

She glared at him. “I’ll worry if I want to John, and right now I do.” Rose let her hand fall to her side. “I haven’t seen you laugh or smile once since I saw you at the door. I missed you so much, and I’ve dreamed of seeing you again. But you’re so different.” She reached out and held her hand out to him. “I just want to see you smile,” Rose whispered brokenly.

John ignored her hand, rising to his feet instead. “People change,” he said with a shrug, rising to his feet.

Rose adamantly shook her head. “No, no they don’t.” She watched as he brushed off his jeans. “Not this much anyway, not in such a short time.” Part of Rose wondered if she was in denial about this, maybe just a little.

John faltered slightly at her words, his hands pausing for a moment. But then he just finished and brushed his hands together.

So he was giving her the silent treatment then, fine.

“I know you haven’t changed that much,” Rose whispered. “You’re still John.” Her gaze flickered away with a sigh, “Somewhere in there.”

“I think you should leave.”

Rose’s eyes snapped back to John to find him looking darkly at her. “What?”

“You should leave,” John repeated sharply, glaring.

Rose stared, taken aback by his coldness. In their time together she’d never heard anything like it from him, even when he was upset with her. “But, John-”

“Now,” John snapped. Before Rose could react, he’d taken hold of her shoulders and was firmly steering her back towards the door.

Rose called his name, trying to get him to stop or at least say something, but he didn’t pause or speak at all. Rose felt like the world was crumbling again. When she saw him at the door, Rose had hoped they could start their friendship where they’d left off those two years ago. But now she realized that ever since he’d first spoken to her, that hope had been doomed. No matter what she did, John was still pushing her away.

Right before he pushed her out of the now open door, Rose tried one last time to appeal to him.

“John, please. Let me help!” Rose pleaded. “Just talk to me!”

He gave her another long look, not giving away anything. For a second Rose thought he was going to give in, but then John appeared to come to a decision.

“No,” he said shortly. John then gave her just enough of a push out the door that he could close it on her and then lock it before Rose could react.

Rose stood shocked as the door slammed right in her face. A second later she heard the lock slam into place.

“John!” she shouted, knocking loudly on the door.

But no matter how long or how hard she knocked, John still didn’t respond and the door never opened again.

Finally, after a while, Rose gave up and turned away. She walked back down the sidewalk and back home, mind racing.

~~~~~~~~

Rose left John alone for a week then, as much as it hurt her to do so. So many times she wanted to storm over to his house, drag John out, and then shake some sense into him. But Rose always stopped herself just in time since she doubted forcing him would do much good.

A week later she’d had enough. Rose couldn’t wait anymore. She just hoped that the cold temper John seemed to have grown was settled again by now. No matter how much Rose cared about him, she couldn’t stand to see John looking at her that way again, or to hear John order her out of the house with such coldness in his voice. She was sure her heart would break if she had to go through all that again.

This time Rose was prepared. She’d drag him kicking and screaming out of his house if she had to. Something had happened to him in the time they’d been apart. But instead of dealing with it, John seemed to have just stopped feeling, or doing anything.

She cared more than enough about John to help him change that.

So early the next day, Rose went over to John’s house.

As Rose expected, John must have thought she’d given up since he opened the door to her after only a few knocks.

When John saw it was her, his eyes widened momentarily but then shuttered again.

“John, wait-!” Rose protested when he tried to shut the door on her. “Please!”

“Not now, Rose,” John scolded insistently. He then started to turn back inside, ignoring her.

“John!” Rose cried sharply. Then, just before the door closed again, she reached out and grabbed his wrist. “You’re not getting away that easily,” Rose warned, pulling him out of the house and towards her.

He came easily enough, stumbling a little before seeming to regain his balance. John looked bewildered at suddenly being outside, but then shrugged off her hand and straightened.

“Did you have to do that?” John complained, lifting his head just enough to glare at her through his fringe.

Rose met his glare full-on, even though she felt sadness well in her chest at the vulnerability in that look, and his appearance. If he’d looked horrible the last time she’d seen him, he wasn’t much better now. John looked completely unkempt, and there were dark circles under his eyes. “If it means this is the only way I can get you to listen to me, then yes,” Rose snapped at him. “I did.”

John’s response was to sigh angrily and sharply turn his head away.

Rose made a decision then, grabbing his wrist again. She pulled him off the stoop, and back along the sidewalk. “Now, we’re going to go get a bite to eat. You’re way too skinny.” Rose glanced back at John to see him following her. His expression made it look like he was alternating between being angry with her and something that looked suspiciously like pouting. “You make me want to take you home and mother you,” Rose added at his disbelieving look, “and if you won’t let me, then I’m sure my mum’d be glad to.”

She just barely heard John’s reply a few seconds later of, “No thanks,” sounding horrified.

Rose smiled. “Good. Let’s go then,” she said, and began leading him down the street.

 


	2. Chapter 2

When they walked into the café a few minutes later, the owner who was called Alby turned around as the bell rang on the door above them.

“Rose, darling!” he cried as he saw her. “It’s been too long, how’ve you been?”

“Alby!” Rose greeted happily. “I’m fine, how’re you?”

Alby leaned over the counter towards her. “Fine, just fine.” He then seemed to catch sight of John as his eyes widened drastically. “John? Is that John?” Alby asked sounding astonished. “Why, haven’t seen you in ages. How’ve you been?”

Rose glanced back at John just in time to see him smile tightly. “I’ve been fine, Alby. Thanks,” he replied shortly.

Rose sighed inwardly. So he wasn’t being friendly with anyone, it wasn’t just her.

“Come on, John,” she instructed, pulling him towards one of the empty tables near the window.

When they got to the table, John shrugged off her hand and sat in the chair on the right.  
“I’ll go get some food for us,” Rose declared and turned towards the counter. But then she stopped, and turned to him again. “Please, stay here,” she whispered softly, giving John a small smile. Rose then walked quickly over to the counter.

From Alby Rose obtained two teas, a lemon scone, and a chocolate croissant for John (she remembered that he always thought better when he had chocolate). As she was taking the loaded tray from him, Alby leaned over and whispered to her, “Take care of him, Rose. Looks like he’s hurting.”

Rose glanced over her shoulder at John. He was sitting back in his chair, long legs tucked under the table, his body tightly folded as if he was trying to cram himself into a small space. Instead of looking out the window, John was staring down at his clasped hands in his lap.

He looked like he was either trying to disappear, or was going to run for it at any second.  
Rose sighed quietly with a heavy heart, and smiled at Alby before turning to start back towards the table.

John didn’t look up when she set the tray down on the plastic surface. He didn’t give any sign he’d noticed her return until Rose put the mug of tea down next to the plate with the croissant. As John realized what was in the mug, his eyes widened in surprise and, as if in slow motion, he leaned forward and wrapped his hands around the sides of the mug.

Rose smiled at the sight as John slid the mug towards him, lowering his head to breathe in the fumes. “Not much tea in America, then?” she asked with a hint of teasing, but meant it honestly.

“No,” John scoffed. “It was more like flavored water.” He shook his head and took a sip from the mug.

Rose tried very hard not to laugh at the blissful expression that grew on his face. There really was no substitute for real, British tea.

In the silence that followed, Rose watched John carefully as she tore off pieces of her scone and drank her tea.

John seemed like he was enjoying the small meal, something she was glad to see (especially since he was so thin). But, even despite the warm temperature of the tea, she could see him visibly shaking opposite her.

Without more conscious thought, Rose leaned forward and pulled off her jacket.

“Here,” she invited, holding it out to him.

John barely even glanced at the jacket. “I’m fine,” he said dismissively.

Rose gave him a dark look. “You’re shaking.” She gestured with the jacket again. “Take it.”

He glared at her in annoyance, but grabbed the jacket anyway and began sliding it on.  
John didn’t look away from her as he slid an arm through one sleeve and then the other. She he adjusted the jacket’s fit, John drawled, voice dripping with sarcasm, “That better, mum?”

Rose didn’t miss how he flinched as he said the word mum, or the sarcasm in his voice that she suspected hid something.

Deciding to tread carefully, Rose said softly, “John…”

John’s gaze quickly flickered away, and he folded his arms across his chest. “I’m fine,” he snapped shortly. He seemed to be biting his cheek.

“Oh, are you?” Rose asked skeptically. “John, have you even left the house since you came back? You look like you haven’t even seen sunlight.”

“’Course I have!” John snapped quickly. He opened his mouth to continue, but then sighed and sat back instead. “I just… wanted to be left alone,” John whispered after taking a long sip of his tea, so softly that she almost didn’t hear him.

Rose tore off a piece of her scone and popped it into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. “And your parents are okay with that? Locking yourself away in your house?” She asked incredulously. “I saw how you live, John, if you can call that living. A cot, a bag of clothes, and a fridge? Only that in such a big house?” Rose shook her head. “I just can’t believe your parents don’t have anything to say about this.”

Staring down at his mug of tea, John bit out, “Why should they care? They’re dead.”

Opposite him, Rose breathed in sharply through her teeth and practically froze. “What?” she whispered.

John’s head popped up as time began moving again, and he stared at her with cold, glaring eyes. “You understand now, Rose? My parents are dead, so they don’t have to care anymore. There’s no one left to care, except for me. I’m on my own.”

“No, you’re not!” Rose corrected him crossly. “You might’ve forgotten, but I’m here too.” She glared, daring him to disagree. “Even if you try to get rid of me, I’m not going anywhere.”

He scowled, and took a sip from his tea. “You’ve made that quite obvious,” John muttered quietly.

Rose kicked him lightly under the table. “Well, you better have learned your lesson,” she scolded with a hint of teasing.

John set his mug back down on the table with a loud clink. “Ow! You didn’t have to do that.”

“Apparently I did,” Rose shot back. Then she hesitated briefly before asking, as gently as she could, “John, what happened? The truth.”

For a long time John just sat there, fingers tapping away on the side of the mug. “There was an accident,” he finally said, voice hoarse. “A car accident. We were on the way to the hangars at the base in the middle of winter. It’d snowed earlier that day, and the roads weren’t completely cleared yet. Mum and I’d begged him not to go, but he refused so we went with to see him off for a two day mission.”

When John’s voice faded away, Rose reached across the table. She pulled his hand away from the mug and into hers then squeezed it gently. “And?” Rose coaxed.

“And I was being an idiot, a selfish teenager,” John added with a harsh laugh. “Dad was trying to drive and keep his eye on the road, but I insisted on getting his attention. Mum told me to stop, but I wouldn’t.” His hand tensed in hers and John began blinking fiercely. “Then, when dad finally turned around, the car hit a patch of ice.”

Despite all of his earlier bravado, John was shaking again and his voice was barely more than a whisper. Wanting to help support him, Rose stood up and pulled her chair around next to his before sitting back down again. When she’d asked him what had happened, Rose hadn’t at all expected for this to be what John was hiding from her. No wonder he seemed so different.

“It’s okay, John,” Rose reassured him, squeezing his hand again. “Take a deep breath and keep going.”

John rolled his eyes faintly, but actually did take a deep breath and closed his eyes. “The car hit the ice patch, and Dad didn’t have time to correct before we were swerving towards the shoulder. The car hit it full on and at a high speed.” His voice broke off into a sob, and when Rose looked over at him, John was biting his lip, blinking fiercely again.

When Rose thought he wasn’t going to say anymore, John blurted suddenly, “They died, Rose. Right on impact.” He gave a choked sob and squeezed his eyes shut. “The medics said they didn’t feel any pain, but…”

“It’s okay,” Rose repeated again. She leaned over and wrapped her arms around him in a sideways embrace. “It wasn’t your fault, John. You couldn’t do anything. It was the road, it could’ve happened to anyone.” Rose gently squeezed him. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“’Course it was!” John snapped, pulling away from her and moving his chair so it was all the way against the wall. “I was the one who distracted them in the first place. It’s my fault.”

“No, it wasn’t.” At his scoff, Rose repeated firmly, “it wasn’t John.” She reached out and gripped his arm, “You’re being too hard on yourself.”

John wrenched his arm away from her, and held it close to his chest. “They’re dead, Rose. My parents are dead, I’m on my own, and I caused all of it.” He hung his head. “Everything’s my fault.”

Rose gave a loud sigh and moved her chair so it was next to him once more. “John, I’m not going to argue with you because I know just how stubborn you can be. But I will do whatever I can to drum it into your head that it wasn’t your fault.” She paused and then shifted so she could look him in the face. “For now though, just remember that I’m sure your parents are proud of you. You can still live, John. There’s a reason to keep living. Not just for them though, but for you too,” Rose told him sternly, poking his arm with a finger. “And now I’m here too.”

“Yeah, you said,” John said scornfully. But Rose sensed that he might be giving in a little, especially if John was resorting to sarcasm. In her mind sarcasm was better than him constantly pulling away from her.

As Rose thought, John finished his tea and began picking away at his croissant. But by the time Rose spoke again, he was already half way through it.

“Remember that summer when we snuck into the old mansion on the edge of town?” she said out of the blue. “We explored it for hours, and by the end we were covered in dust and cobwebs.” She laughed. “I think my mum burned those clothes when I got back.”

A smile tugged at John’s mouth. “My dad almost didn’t recognize me at first, and I kept sneezing and getting dust everywhere.”

“We didn’t dare do anything too bad after that,” Rose reflected. “Think we were scared.”

Mouth slightly full with croissant, John added, tone lighter than it’d been in a while, “Absolutely terrified. Couldn’t look my parents in the eyes for days.”

Rose laughed heartily at his dry humor, glad that it seemed like John would be able to heal from this after all.

~~~~

After that day in the café, Rose and John’s relationship slowly knit itself back together. After school on days when Rose didn’t have tutoring, she went to visit John and spend time together. At first, they stayed in the house for the most part, just taking in the mostly empty house, cooking meals, or doing other activities. Rose didn’t mind waiting until he was ready to face the world again, but she knew it would take awhile to change John’s mind. After a few times Rose started to gently suggest he should come back to school, but by the time John stopped dodging the subject and gave in, it was almost May, and too late.

Once school let out, Rose and John spent the summer visiting their own haunts and stirring up old memories. A few weeks into the summer Rose found a part-time job at a small bookstore a short bike ride away, and John managed to get a job working as an all-around assistant at a doctor’s office a few weeks after.

When he told her about the job, Rose had been more than surprised. Other than not really having experience, she’d thought John had been interested in Astronomy, not medical things.

Rose mentioned her confusion to him a day or so after John first told her, thinking he’d just laugh it off as a regular summer job. But instead, John seemed to be hurt at her questioning him.

“It’s a good job,” he explained in an annoyed tone she was quickly becoming used to, “and really good experience. I can get an inside view,” John added, sounding excited.

Rose stared at him, and then said slowly, “but, I thought you wanted to be an astronaut, to work at NASA or somewhere.”

John’s excitement faded into a frown, and he looked at her almost pityingly since she couldn’t keep up. “Not anymore,” he said shortly, leaning back and crossing his arms. “It was just an idealist dream, the dream of a child,” John added scathingly.

Instead of answering, Rose just studied him for a long moment. She was reminded of all those astronomy books she’d seen him read, or that they’d read together. The many speeches Rose had endured about the grandness of outer space, and everything else out there in the unknown. All that about how fascinating and mysterious it was, and he’d just described it as a kid’s dream. Rose mentally sighed; it was just another way John had changed.

“So,” she said finally, “what do you want to do instead?”

A smile reappeared on John’s face, and he sat back up again, leaning forward.

“I’m going to become a doctor,” John declared enthusiastically. “I want to help people, especially those who wouldn’t usually get it.”

Rose smiled back at him. “That sounds brilliant.” She couldn’t stop smiling.

John blinked, looking a little disturbed. “What?” He asked confused. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Rose replied, shaking her head. “I’m just happy for you.”

John somehow looked even more confused by this, but he just replied, “Right.” After a pause of silence, he added, “What’re you going to do?”

“Don’t know yet,” Rose admitted with a shrug, sitting back. She thought about it a while, and then finally added, “Languages maybe? Never really liked French, but maybe others?” She shrugged again. “Don’t know really.”

John smiled at her and reached over to take her hand. “I’m sure that whatever you choose, you’ll be brilliant in it. You’re amazing, Rose.”

She smiled widely back and whispered, “thanks.”

~~~~

At the end of the summer, John was even more excited about becoming a doctor, relating some of the more humorous stories of his experience to Rose. At the same time, Rose had enjoyed herself at the bookstore, not only increasing her income, but also having the chance to meet a variety of different people. Without realizing it at first, Rose had become a kind of mentor to the not as well-off patrons of the bookstore. She didn’t mind of course, it was actually fun, helping people.

When they were finally dragged back to school, Rose took as many languages as she could with her workload, but not French. In the time before she’d met John, Rose had seen languages other than her own as frivolous and something she’d never use. But now, Rose realized that by learning other languages, she would be able to actually interact with people who didn’t know English, letting her learn from them. She also took a few advanced history courses as well to learn more about the cultures in the world. 

John, on the other hand, ambitious as always, took as many courses as he could, focusing mainly in the sciences. The school had let him come back with little fuss, stating the gap in time as an extreme circumstance, but granting him credit for the courses he took during his time in America. But John tried to make up for lost time and took the course load of an entire term.

Rose scolded him that he was crazy and had finally lost his head, but John just gave her a look and then went ahead and proved he could. Of course, by the time the end of term came around he was exhausted, but John claimed it was worth it.

When winter break came, it was a welcome relief. By that time there was already more than a foot of snow on the ground, so they made as many snowmen out in Rose’s yard as they could. There were also several snowball fights that took place there, with wins and losses on both sides (not that either would admit it).

Rose managed to return to her job at the bookstore, and even though the pay was still rather good, the chaos of dealing with Christmas shoppers left something to be desired. During most of break she rarely saw John, who had managed to find a small apartment to rent where he’d been staying since the summer.

At first John hadn’t wanted to sell his family home, and had been putting all the money he could gather into paying to keep the house. But eventually Rose had managed to convince him to move on and put the house up for sale. Since John was still under aged, his family lawyer took care of most of the process, and the money from the sale went into an account John wouldn’t have access to until his 21st birthday. The apartment he rented was fairly nice, and John continued to decline Rose and her parents’ offers to move in with them.

Over Christmas they invited John to their house for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day to spend it with them. It was then that Rose found out John had been spending his break getting ready for the medical school entrance exam. He had been studying day and night just to make sure he passed the exam.

During the three days John spent with them, Rose’s parents made it their mission to feed him up and take care of him. At the same time, Rose expressly forbid John from any studying and did her best to make him laugh and smile as much as she could. Every time John did either genuinely, Rose felt her heart soar.

When school started up again, John and Rose threw themselves back into the throng with much lighter hearts and new determination. It was their last term of high school, and they were determined to make the most of it.

John took a number of science classes again, as well as a history and psychology course. Rose continued focusing on her language courses, but also took political science and a culture course.

In the middle of the spring, after midterm time, John took the entrance exam, and then worried for the rest of the term about his results. Rose had to keep reassuring John that of course he had passed, and he shouldn’t worry about it. With the amount of studying he’d done, she wouldn’t be surprised if he passed with flying colors, if that was possible.

The results finally came a few days before graduation, and Rose rushed over to his apartment as soon as he called. Her parents fussed a little, wanting to get ready, but Rose would never pass this up, especially since it was so important to him.

She got there in record time, and the door flew open before she could even knock twice. John greeted her enthusiastically and pulled her into the hallway. A white envelope was clutched tightly in his hand, and he didn’t seem to be able to stand still.

When Rose finally got John to stop stalling and just open the blasted envelope, he quickly tore it open and then scan-read the contents of the letter inside.

After that, it was only a few seconds later before John turned to her with a manic grin.

“I got in!” he crowed, letter held high in triumph. “I did it!”

Rose grinned back and pulled him into a tight embrace. “Congratulations,” she said happily. “I knew you could do it.”

The announcement of his results only made graduation an even happier affair. It was a great day, especially since they were finally free of high school, and had their certificates. The two of them and her parents celebrated their achievements together, as if the four of them were their own little family. They also had a small little party a few days later.

Once the excitement of graduation wore off, the two of them worked together to find a nearby college where both of them could study what they wanted. For Rose, languages and culture, and science for John. In time they came up with a list of their top three schools, and then proceeded to bicker over them for a whole week. Finally her parents sat the two of them down like children and told them to compromise. They stayed there arguing for a few hours, trying to make the other see their point of view, until they finally decided on a college that suited both of their needs.

Rose and John both applied, and it didn’t take the acceptance letters long to come back.  
So for two years Rose studied for a-levels in languages, history, and political science, and John did the same in the sciences.

It took them two exhausting, often sleepless years of studying, but when they finally took their examinations it was a day that had been a very long time coming. After they finished with their exams, the two of them crawled home and slept for almost twenty-four hours straight. Then, when they finally woke up, the four of them went out to a celebratory dinner.

In between the time until their results came, John and Rose took advantage of their free time. They biked around the city, visited the library, and went around to where they’d spent their earlier summers together. It was almost like being kids again, except now they had their futures hanging over their heads.

Of course, John had already been accepted into the nearby medical school, and Rose to a university on the edge of town. But it was still not completely certain.

That fall Rose started university and was soon swept away in a wave of languages and history. Then, a week later, John started at the medical school on the edge of the city. They were both living at home, but quickly became so busy that they rarely saw each other or even crossed paths. In the beginning Rose tried to call him, just to check in, but after the third time she got voicemail and he didn’t call back, she stopped calling.

When life startled settling down again a month later, Rose was happily surprised by a phone call from John one Friday night.

They didn’t talk for long; John had just finished for the day and had to get up early again tomorrow. But even from just the few minutes, Rose could tell he was exhausted. His voice was hoarse and he tended to trail off or zone out until she called him to attention again. From what John did say, it sounded like he was enjoying himself, but she was the one who talked for most of the few minutes.

Before he hung up, Rose managed to get him to promise he’d keep her up to date with what was happening and call at least twice a month.

For the most part John kept that promise, managing to call when he could. Each time he sounded just as tired as before, and Rose worried he was running himself ragged and not getting enough sleep. Rose tried to convince John of this, but he always insisted he was fine and she shouldn’t worry about him.

Near the end of November the calls suddenly stopped, and Rose found herself studying for finals all the while worrying that something bad had happened like the last time she’d lost contact with him. Rose wished she had time to call him, but with all her finals she was constantly kept busy.

She finally heard from him the night after her last final, while she was on her way home.

John was so tired that his words slurred together every so often, and while Rose tried to talk with him he tended to go off on abstract rambles until she made him focus again. When she asked, John said he only had a week left of school and he was sure he’d survive. Rose wasn’t so sure, but she made him promise he’d come to see her after he finished and that they’d spend at least part of break together.

Eight days later the doorbell rang mid-morning while she was watching cartoons. When Rose went to the door, John was standing there hair laying limp and lifeless, squinting red-eyed at her from behind his glasses, and wearing clothes that looked like he’d been sleeping in them.

Rose invited him inside and led him back into the living room. John managed to greet her and reassure her he was fine before lying down on the couch and promptly falling asleep. Her parents were out of town for a conference, so Rose let him sleep until she woke him up for dinner.

John was so tired that she easily convinced him to stay over for a few days. They fell into a routine where he slept for most of the day except for when she woke him for meals or he stayed awake long enough to watch a movie.

Finally John got to the point where he was sleeping mostly only for a normal amount of time, and they spent the rest of the day together. Her parents came home and the four of them had their own Christmas together. Their Christmas dinner was a large affair, and Rose and John had fun going through an old Christmas dessert book and trying out lots of the recipes. They always made a mess, flour and sugar everywhere and dough sticking to their faces and other odd places, but most of the time the end result was delicious.

The rest of the break passed rather quickly, and soon they were both back at school.

This term John was much better at keeping in touch with her, calling at least every other week. He didn’t sound as exhausted this time around, and they often talked for hours on end if they both had the time for it. Rose enjoyed telling him about her classes and what she was studying, hearing his opinions. John, in turn, liked to tell her some of the horror stories about his time at school, only to laugh at her, usually horrified, reactions.

Even though they didn’t see each other often during the rest of that term, and the next two years, other than for holidays and Christmas, John and Rose became even closer than before. And as they did, certain feelings began to grow.

It wasn’t until the Winter break of their last year of school that those feelings changed things between them.

As usual, John spent the break with Rose’s family, taking up residence in their guest bedroom. He and Rose spent many hours together, off in a world of their own in Rose’s parents view, whispering to each other and holding hands. For Christmas that year they traded special gifts, a gold pendant necklace for Rose and an expensive watch for John.   
For the next few days a strange feeling hung over Rose and John’s heads. But it wasn’t until midnight on New Year’s Eve that they finally acted on it.

The two of them had been sitting on the couch drinking sparkling cider and eating popcorn while watching the New Years Eve show on the television for several hours. Then, the countdown on the show began and the excitement was so contagious that they started counting along at the top of their lungs. When the countdown hit zero, and loud music broke out from the television as fireworks boomed overhead, Rose leaned over and gently kissed John on the lips.

The kiss didn’t last very long, and Rose pulled back confused and hurt that he hadn’t responded. John’s eyes were closed, but they quickly fluttered open to fix her with a dark, surprised stare. Rose was just about to apologize and tell him to forget the whole thing when John suddenly smiled and leaned in towards her.

After that night, Rose and John stayed in contact as much as they could, even when they went back to school. Every once in a while, Rose would return home from a day of classes to find a gift from John in the mail, or a short email in her inbox. They were usually small things, but they always made her smile. In return, Rose sent him short emails, or messages, or e-cards, letting John know she remembered him.

The day of her graduation from university, John showed up out of nowhere to hug her during the reception. It turned out he’d taken the day off to come and had been standing at the back where she hadn’t able to see him. John demanded to see her certificate, and finally Rose gave in and handed it over. His grin only grew wider as he read the certificate that stated she, one Rose Tyler, had graduated with honors in world languages, world histories, and world politics. When John finished reading, he enveloped her in another tight hug, followed by a quite passionate kiss.

John left an hour or so before the end of the reception, having to get back to school, but promised to keep writing and calling.

That spring, John had finally come of age and been granted the ownership of the estate and bank account left to him by his parents. Even though it had been an occasion for celebration, John admitted he didn’t have much need for money (other than to pay for school), so he promised to take her on a trip around the world after he was finished with school.

Such a trip had always been a dream of Rose’s. Ever since she was a little girl she’d loved looking at atlases and travel guides, so John’s promise was the path to a dream come true.

But John still had one year left of school, and two of residency, so Rose tried to find a job to keep herself occupied until then.

She finally settled in a job working as a substitute teacher at a small local school. It was an enjoyable job where she got to meet a large variety of people from different backgrounds, but Rose was sure it was obvious this was just a short-term job, as much as she loved it.

The children at the school were adorable, if sometimes hard to manage, and most were eager to learn. Despite her age, the rest of the people seemed to respect her and were ready to offer their help. Rose also learned a lot on her feet that her time at school hadn’t prepared her very well for.

A not very eventful Christmas break and two terms later, John finally graduated from medical school.

Rose and her parents went to the ceremony and cheered and clapped loud enough for John to blush as he walked across the platform. Afterwards they took him out for a celebratory dinner, and back at the house Rose and John had a party of their own where they watched movies and drank, cuddled up on the couch.

The two of them didn’t have much time to celebrate, because John started his residency at the small city hospital a week later.

If they thought John had been busy during med school, it had nothing on his residency time. There were periods when he worked for two or three days straight at a time then came back to collapse on her bed. Although he’d always been a tea-drinker, John began drinking coffee just to stay awake.

The days when John shadowed the doctors were always the best. He usually returned home cheerful enough to let her goad him into eating out or watching a movie. The days when he scrubbed in on a surgery or had a particularly horrible case were always the worst, and they happened far too often for Rose’s liking. John would come home with dark, haunted eyes and curl up on the couch hugging a pillow to his chest. He wouldn’t ever talk on his own; she’d have to coax him into it. And usually once John started talking, he wouldn’t be able to stop, spilling the entire story out to her, usually with tears. But no matter how painful those days were, John never said one word about stopping. It didn’t seem like anything would stop his ambition to become a doctor.

The two years blurred into one, during which John slowly got used to his hands-on position at the hospital, and Rose was offered the position of teacher at the school. At first she wasn’t going to take it, happy enough where she was. But then after discussing it with her parents and John, they convinced her to take it. Rose settled into the position rather quickly, and she found herself enjoying it even more than she’d expected.

As the end of John’s two years came to a close, Rose asked him if he was going to continue at the hospital or change to something else. To her surprise, John told her he’d applied to Doctors without Borders, and had also put in a good word for her. Being John, he apologized that it wasn’t exactly the world trip he’d promised her, but he thought she still might enjoy it.

Rose had promptly successfully shut John up through a well-proved method: kissing him. 

When she finally pulled away, Rose reassured John that it was more than just fine, that she was overjoyed with the idea.

The rest of that year, and the interviewing then approval process for becoming part of Doctors without Borders passed in a blur.

It wasn’t until they were standing in the airport waiting for their flight to start boarding after a day’s worth of goodbyes and celebration that everything became real.

For what was probably the tenth time, Rose checked to make sure she had her boarding pass and passport, then made John check too. Once she was satisfied, Rose gave him a small shaky smile. “We’re really doing this.”

John smiled back and leaned over to kiss her. “This is only the beginning,” he promised.


End file.
